The Waiting Game

I have chosen to be a student of the Parelli method of natural horsemanship for many reasons. Just scratching the surface two important reasons to me are that it is a PEOPLE teaching program, not a horse training program and it supports the learner by making the concepts and skills easy to understand.

One of the ways they do this is by using the concept of the Seven Games. They are simply the seven different things that horses do naturally among themselves in a herd. As students we are taught to play variations of these basic games with our horses to be provocative and progressive. We play the Friendly, Porcupine, Driving, Yo-yo, Circling, Sideways, and squeeze games.

Well, I'm ready to add another game to the program. The Waiting Game. It is something that you can see happen in a herd, but it is also something far beyond that. It is a vital part of the people training aspect of the program and of life. Some days it is the hardest game of them all.

I've watched my Titan be the lowest man in the heard since he became my partner almost a year ago. I was told this about him when I purchased him.  I have watched him is a number of different groups both large and small. Some groups pushed him around relentlessly, picked on him and left marks all over him. Other groups gently insisted that he always wait at the back of the line for everything. Either way he has always be at the bottom.

Well, he must have been playing the waiting game, because while I was away a few weekends ago he decided to take over as the leader of his little herd of two. Apparently he turned around one Sunday morning and told Hope off and proceeded to be the boss from there out. It makes me wonder what exactly happened, what changed in the understanding to make him feel like the time was right to take over. Or what happened with Hope to allow her surrender her role as leader. Then a few weeks later Hope returned to the leadership role. Again, what were they each waiting for?

Just as my horses are playing the waiting game, so am I. I am waiting for so many things. Some days patiently and others not so much. I fall far short of my horses and their amazing ability to be in the moment and wait without frustration, resentment, jealousy, or impatience.

Deep down, I know that everything has its time. But oh, is it hard. Oh, to be able to stay in the moment.

So here I sit. Playing the waiting game for:

• An arena with no grass (and more hours in the day to teach in it)
• Aamina to be ridden confidently and her foal to grow up into an amzing partner with the right owner
• The finances to complete my Parelli instructor certification
• My own farm to provide lessons to those who wish to learn and boarding to those who wish to care for their horses like horses 
• The day when people realize that there is no need to nail, clip or glue things to their horse's feet
• People to realize that by simply learning behavior and psychology and taking the time to apply it, there is no need for coercion, pain, avoidance, and the gadgets they use to achieve any or all of those,  when working with a horse.
• To be able to help rescue and find homes for the unwanted animals in this word

Waiting.....Still waiting.....

Going with the Ever Changing Flow

Just like the ocean waves and tides there is a flow to life. Though we may try to brace against it, it is futile to resist. 

We were given a strong reminder of this in October when Super Storm Sandy blew through, taking with her whatever she pleased. At first there was nothing we could do but prepare for her arrival. After the skies cleared and we emerged to see the aftermath, there was nothing to do but have a good cry, accept what happened, then pick ourselves up by our bootstraps and start the process of cleanup and rebuilding.

Within the herd there is constant change as the leaders defend their spot or drive less dominant horses off the most desired pile of hay and less dominant horses try to stand up for themselves or vie for a higher rank in the herd and as less dominate The waves and ripples from these interactions echo through the herd, dissipate then start again. Perhaps the lower horse is able to fend off his hay pile, or not. Maybe challenge is successful and the one horse moves or down in the ranks. Each horse simply goes with the flow each event as they present itself.

We too must learn to "go with the flow and flow with the go" in all aspects of our life. We cannot get caught up in asking Why, and sometimes even How. Learning to assess the events that are unfolding around us and working with what we are given does not come easy but is necessary.

Horses are so often willing participants or the catalysts in our journey to learn this skill. Riding, handling and caring for horses all has a flow to follow. There are moments of peace, frustrations, excitement and success that all come together. Each showing us the next step in the journey. And you certainly can't be successful with out embracing the go. Especially the occasional unexpected fast ones! These teach us just as much to keep our cool, accept the moment, and rely on the tools we have learned to help defuse it.

I am thankful for all the horses in my life have taught me so much about this. And, not that we are ever done learning, it seems my next lesson has arrived!

Sweet Aamina is pregnant! Yup. That's right. It's not just winter fat as we thought a few months ago. There is a baby in there! We were out playing with a student and there was a ripple in her belly that could be mistaken for nothing else. I'd been suspecting that was the case for a few weeks but I just couldn't quite bring myself to believe it. This is the risk you take when you purchase a mare from an auction.

We don't know if she was bred before being sent to New Holland or if she encountered a stallion in the pen there. There is word that the later might be the case. The vet appointment is set up so we can find out about how far along she might be. It would be about seven months if she met the stallion at New Holland but of course it could be more.

Sure we didn't plan  on this, or budget for it for that matter (yikes!). But here we are. What more can you do but go with the flow and learn from and enjoy the experience?

It's time to order the prenatal vitamins, up her feed intake, and wait for baby to arrive.

(ooooo....a baby is coming! What color will he/she be? Will she be a full Arabian? A mutt? A girl? a boy?)

In the Moment...In the Herd

It is so easy to wish for things ahead or worry about what my happen in the future. Equally we get stuck wishing to go back to moments in our past or not moving forward for fear something will happen again. 

To live in the moment often seems hard to keep a grasp on. If I did not have horses in my life I think I would fail far more miserably at it than I do. The times when I find this the hardest are when I most need to seek out my herd. 

Spending undemanding time with a horse does something to the sole. It is ever valuable as a partnership tool but there is a wonderful calm that radiates from a horse. They are the most generous of the animals in my life. They have a amazing ability to help you find the ground  (and I don't mean pitch you out of the saddle and into the dirt. Though that is occasionally unavoidable), root into the earth and find your center. 

My herd also calls me out when I'm not in the moment with them. All those naughty behaviors, the bad rides,  the "attitude" or blowing me off.... When I look back on some of the most unsuccessful times with my horse I can often see that I was not in the moment with them. I had my own agenda of what I thought we should be doing or how advanced we should be, I was letting other frustrations in that had nothing to do with my horse,   I'm working on a time frame and can't be late to leave for my next appointment...

The great mirror that is a horse. They show you what you are doing, or not, and how you are doing it. They will call you out when you are not with them the way you should be. Whether you want to see it or not. 

The most beautiful thing about a horse is, that so long as you are never malicious  neglectful, or cruel, they will always forgive you. Every day you walk onto the farm is a new day with a clean slate. They will again hold you accountable to be the best you can be and mirror back to you everything you need to see. 

Thank you to my herd for all that you do to make me a better me which in turn will make us a better us. 

My dearest Skip and his best buddy Blue at Sunnyside Equestrian Center. 

Acceptance

God grant me the serenity 

Titan and his new friend

courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

How true these words are in so many ways and a way of life that I try to embrace. Though I often fall very short of serenity.

I have always tried to "go with the flow, and flow with the go", as the Parelli's say, in all aspects of my life. It has proven to get me though many situations with horses and human. I have tried to let the things I am supposed to do with my life find me and shape me rather than forcing things to happen.

I have always loved horses. I have always let that love guide me. First it was to riding lessons and working around horses. Next it was off to school to study the field of therapeutic riding and striking off my career in that field. Then it was finding natural horsemanship and striking off in to that journey. This lead to the founding of Safe Haven Farm and horse ownership.

Looking at it condensed into one paragraph makes it look short and easy. But it was a long winding road and had many wonderful ups and plenty of downs. And the journey doesn't end after the last sentence of course.

The big question is what is the next step. There are so many thoughts, ideas, and wants constantly spinning around and a burning desire to be able to follow through on them immediately.   So many things seem to be getting in my way. So many things that I can't figure out how to make work. Things that seem just out of reach and other that seem like they will never come true. There is a little kid that jumps around in the back of my thoughts going "But I want to do it NOW!!!!".

Obviously, the world has other ideas. Enter the search for Serenity....

The horses that have been by guide all this time will continue to teach me and show me the way just as the world will continue to guide me to where I am meant to be at any given time. Some days I am better at this than others. Some days I get frustrated and angry. Some days I get depressed and mopey. But mostly I try to dream as hard as I can, as big as I can, knowing that what is meant to come out of those dreams will.

The Beginning...

What really was the beginning of this? 

It's hard to say, and probably depends a lot on what you mean by beginning. Which one? How far back to you really want to go? It's probably a little like the chicken and the egg....

Do you mean when did I first started loving horses?
Well, that's easy. I've ALWAYS loved horses. And it has just grown with the years. Who knows where I got the horse bug. Mom was born and raised in the city and had little exposure to them. Dad, though he lived a short time in the county in Germany, is  rather afraid of them. But here I am. But there I was, a horse crazy little girl asking for a pony, to ride horses.

After much begging, and ballet and ice skating lessons, I was finally told that we would be looking for a farm to ride at. It's funny how I don't remember the exact moment they said yes, but I do remember the first day I walked into the barn. I was 8 or 9 I think. I've been hooked every since.

Fast forward a few year, a few falls, a few different instructors, many different horses. I'm sure my parents figured,  and maybe evened hoped for their bank accounts sake at least, that I'd grow out of horses. I think this idea started to waiver in their minds as I reached high school. I was still asking for "a pony" every time someone asked me what I wanted for my birthday or Christmas. I was traveling an hour to get to my trainer and was riding as many days a week as I could. I'd been a working student whenever possible to earn more riding time.  I'd been through several heartbreaks. Not involving human boys, but when horses I loved moved on with their owners or were sold off the property. I couldn't have cared less about school dances, hanging at the mall, or any of that "girly" stuff. None of it really mattered. I had my horses.

Do you mean when I first realized I really wanted a career with horses?
The high school years marched on. I started volunteering with the hippotherapy program that started up at the barn.  The people were great, the kids were incredible, and hey, it was a third day a week I got to play with horses. Then it came time to do a service project to finish my Girl Scout Gold Award requirements. Naturally, mine was horse related, creating a volunteer handbook and training program for the volunteers at the hippotherapy program and an educational coloring book for the kids.

POOF! I can do this as a career!!!!!! The college search began for a program that specialized in therapeutic horseback riding. And there went the last thought in my parent's mind that I was going to grow out of horses (and probably the dream that all parents have for their children: a well paying job).

Off to Wilson College I went. Four years later I had a BS in Equine Facilitated Therapeutics and was out working in the field.

Do you mean when I first really knew I wanted my own horse?
What little girl doesn't want her own pony? And yes, I I'm pretty sure I asked for one every year from the time I started riding. This particular moment was a little different. This was the moment when I caught a glimpse of just how far I could go if I just owned the horse I was riding; Training with a wonderful Irishman on an amazing young imported Irish sport horse learning the sport of eventing. Oh, the thrill! And OH the connection we had and the success we achieved because of it. I will always have fond memories of this time and this horse.

Do you mean when I first felt the spark to have my own business?
I never really thought I was interested in running my own business or owning my own farm. I took the obligatory accounting and business management classes in school and thought it was all more than I could handle and the expense would be something that I'd never be able to afford.

As I started teaching I realized just how many people struggled to find a place to learn about horses that provided them a safe, quality experience with a well rounded education. Stories of riding crazy horses that they fell off of, instructors talking on cell phones during lessons, groups so big that there was no way to learn anything other than to avoid the horse next to you.

Teaching at a facility that at the time was not able to offer a large number of lessons and couldn't provide ongoing classes made me realize that my I really wanted to do this myself.

Then when I began studying natural horsemanship. It validated many things I innately did, or didn't like about traditional riding as a young rider,  and changed my whole way of thinking about handling and riding. I so amazing changes in the horses I was working with. The more I practiced the more it heart my heart to see some of the things people do to horses in the name of training, and how misunderstood so many horses are.

I also began sharing what I was learning with others. I had so many moments where people would stop and tell me how much sense it made, what a difference it made, and ask why no one had ever taught them that before.

That was it. I was determined that I would start my own business. Even if it was only to travel to other people's farms, and share my knowledge.


And in 2009, after many experiences, a lot of dreaming, much hard work, and many sleepless nights, Safe Haven Farm, LLC was born. 

"You have to dream big. I mean really big.Then one day you start by making just a small part of that dream a reality." N.P.

I've often wondered about the appeal of blogging. But, over time and with all the thoughts, wishes, and dreams floating around in my head a blog seemed like a place to start organizing them. If shared then those who are following Safe Haven Farm can have insight into the hopes and plans for the future.

So, here it goes! Blogging has commenced.